REDBOX REVIEW #1

Welcome to the first installment of my new series; REDBOX REVIEWS.


See, I don't go to movie theaters. I'm waaay too fiscally conservative (cheap/broke) to pay the rape they are charging at the door these days. So, like many Americans with real lives, REDBOX has become my new jam. I'm going to document my weekly movie night here. Doesn't that sound fun?

REXBOX REVIEWS starts......NOW:






I think many of you are in denial. I hereby give you all permission to admit that Machete wasn't really all that good. In fact, aside from some decent T&A, it was boring. It's fine. Come to terms with reality. It's okay to let go of your obligation to like it. I mean, the B movie camp is cool and all, but I already saw (and loved) Planet Terror. You are not obligated to like everything Robert Rodriguez puts out. Desperado; brilliant. From Dusk till Dawn; nice. Machete; worn out, overdone, simple. On the real; the best part of the movie was about 40 minutes in, when I got laid. That and the menu screen had a sweet-ass picture of Lindsay Lohan in the nun outfit, tonguing a pistol.



CASE 39


Case 39 is a 2009 horror-thriller directed by Christian Alvart and it pretty much sucks. Like most movies in the genre, it starts with promise but sputters sadly into over familiar territory. In fact, the high point of the movie comes early on with a 3 or 4 second shot of crazy mom and dad characters looking creepily through a bedroom door. After that, it's all downhill. Ugh. Oh, big surprise; the innocent looking 10 year old turns out to be evil incarnate! We didn't see that coming from scene one. Renee Zellweger has to save the day while coming to terms with her own tragic past. Are you as bored reading this as I was watching it? I hope not. Jodelle Ferland did a pretty good job displaying her acting skillz in certain scenes despite the shit-ass script.



Here's hoping REDBOX offeres up better gems next week....

Love you, bitches.
ILLER