REDBOX REVIEWS
This week, I rocked the box 3 times. Wait; that sounded dirtier than intended. I rocked the box (if you know what I mean) a lot more than 3 times this week. What I meant to say was that I watched a total of 3 movied from REDBOX this week, all in good company. This weeks movies are:
WOLFMAN
I'd seen this one before, but I wanted to give it another go. Not much changed. The first few minutes of the movie tell the tale. A good, atmospheric opening, honest to the classic WOLFMAN genre, quickly ruined by the bane of my movie enjoying experience; C.G. mother-fucking I. Goddammit! I hate CGI. It never looks real, mostly because...well, IT'S NOT!
This movie was soooo close to being good. Anthony Hopkins was, like usual, brilliant. His "revelation" scene with his son (Benicio Del Toro) in an asylum was the high point of the film and also the point at which it spiraled into typical Hollywood fuck-it-up-ery. Why, oh why do all movies have to get all grandiose, aka stupid?! We'd have been fine without the Wolfman running across rooftops and performing Matrix-like stunts. So close. So, so close.
4 out of 12 black pentagrams on this one.
Next on the menu was
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Concerning this movie, Scott Pilgrim and I have something in common. It's us against the World. That's right, bitches; I liked this movie. I swear, I am not just liking everything you all don't like (and vice versa). At least, not on purpose. I liked the quick dialogue in this film. I liked the retro video game sound effects. I also likes that cute nerdy chick who kept trying to ruin Scott's day. The fights were fun and outlandish. I can accept fight scenes that aren't trying to pass themselves off as realistic. The fact that I was watching this one in bed with a half-naked lady asleep on my chest might've contributed to my to positive and accepting mindset, but on the real; it was pretty good. I'll give it 300 out of 415 gold stars.
Lastly, in the company of certain li'l heathens, I viewed:
Legend of the Guardians
This jam here was beautiful. Simply the best computer animation I've ever seen. I know, I'm supposed to hate CGI. I DO....when it's mixed with real shit. In an animated film, it's fresh. The story was pretty good, though typical. The characters were the usual fare, but done well. Thankfully, we only had to hear Liam Neeson (the most overused voice in the world for the old, stern-yet-patient character) for a few minutes. And hey, the bad guys had a none-too-subtle Nazi overtone, which is perfect (brain) programming for our li'l Capitalists! If you have kids, or babysit them, rent this junk; they'll like it and you'll be amazed at how far we've come with computers since Toy Story.
Legends of the Guardians gets 9 out of 11 pencil-top erasers.
There you have it. Until next week...
Love you, bitches.
-ILLER
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