Brace yourselves, bitches! We's about to warp up another REDBOX REVIEW.
Star Trek (2009)
With this one, I was prepared for the worst. This film had many indicators of a movie that I would hate. As a rule with few exceptions, I dont' like prequels so I was doubtful from the jump. Then there's the director. Fuck J.J. Abrams. Fuck him for LOST. I'm still bitter about that shit-stain of a finally. Fuck Cloverfield, an overhyped deadfuck.. Fuck just about anything J.J. "blue-balls" Abrams puts his name on (except for Armageddon!, sing along with me; "don't wanna close my eyeeees..."!!). And time travel being an integral part of the plot? Oh no. Were they really going to push the sci-fi easy reset button? I tried to have an open mind, but inside I was already typing another negative REDBOX REVIEW.
Imagine my surprise when, about 20 minutes into it, I realized that I was sort of enjoying it! I was pleasently surprised with the casting (and makeup) and the story. The acting was spot on, especially in the case of Dr. McCoy! Young Spock was a dead ringer. And old, reflective, sentimental Spock??!! What? My heart was warmed. Kirk T. getting frisky with a hot-bodied, dim-witted, green-skinned honey? Hell to the Star Trek yeah!
Don't get me wrong; there were things I absolutely did not like about this movie. Young Kirk was a little too Mavrick from Top Gun for me. We get it, he's a rebel who does things his own way and has a sharp tongue to boot...ugh. Every attempt at humor in this movie made me cringe and Chekhov's accent was torture. I could've done completely without Kirk being chased by a CGI vagina-faced monster. I felt like I'd seen this scene before...in Star Wars. Other than that, I pretty much liked this movie. I thought it smacked enough of the the Gene Roddenberry years to make me nostalgic but updated the look and pace enough to make it fresh. The plot was cool with me too; even the time travel. Hell, it may be my favorite approach to time travel yet. Shit just happened and the universe didn't fold over on itself and no one ceased to exist. Good work Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci (writers) and a reluctant good work to J.J. (still; fuck you for LOST)!
Overall, this was a pretty kickass reboot. It had a lot more action and a lot less preaching and social commentary than it's predecessors, for which I am grateful. Rumor is, the cast has signed on for 2 sequels. I'm all for that shit. I hope they live up to this one. If they do, Star Trek will have thoroughly kicked the shit out of Star Wars in the sequel/prequel trilogy category! I'm all for that too. I mean, Han was cool as they come, but Kirk gets alien trim on the reg! That's my kinda hero.
Love you bitches,-Captian ILLER
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