not a REDBOX REVIEW

Due to her not really fulfilling many of my more horror-rific desires, I've recently had to step out on my lady, REDBOX. I found a cheap li'l tart down the road who can do more for me. Her name is Captain Video and Tanning Salon. Movies are only $1.09 (I don't really know how much tanning sessions are) and she has a wider selection...I guess I'm in an open relationship. This was our second or third date:

I Spit On Your Grave the remake Ugh. Everything I'd heard about this movie was wildly overstated. It was a mish-mash of over-the-top dum-dum redneck dialogue and bad pacing. The rape scene you've heard so much about...eh, kinda stupid. I expected to be horrified. Boreified is more like it. Having the retard participate in the rape was a good touch though. Retard rape is pretty friggin' disturbing.

disclaimer: Understand that by praising any aspect of the rape scene, I am speaking to the artistic interpretation NOT making light of actual sexual abuse. I mean, don't leave me out of your rape fantisy but real life rape is a repugnant act and should be punishable by death.

The vigilanty girl-kills-victemizers scenes were, for the most part, outlandish and kinda silly. Only the ones involving a bathtub, some lye, fish hooks, fish guts and crows were any good. The only other good part of the film was watching the bad Sheriff come unglued stressing out about getting caught for his crime. Other than that, this movie was a let down.

And hey, aren't you just a little tired of remakes anyway?

Love you, dirty bitches.

-ILLER, natural born killer